I wanna be the only hand you need to hold onto

bored bored bored

2005-08-31T18:58:33Z

well its been awhile since i updated Montana is getting so big shes almost 11 months old already:( i've been trying to plan a birthday part already.and shes been off the bottle completly for almost a month now and shes not even a year yet and shes only supposed to be almost 9 months <3 shes such a smart baby i just love her so much* oh yeah and alisha and ian got another dog his name is gedgeit he is soooo adorable but Jake will always be my baby...well anyways thats it for now...

I'm pretty sure I'm unlike anyone you've ever met before.
I have amazing friends

I have more than one best friend, and they mean a lot to me

I pretty much have fun whatever i do

Honestly im the most STUBBORN person you'll ever meet

*Stupid shit about myself*

I really hate when people make promises they cant keep

I dont like being put on hold...

So dont call me and put me on hold

I take forever to get ready and i hate being rushed

Im way smarter than you think i am

Im a very jealous person...keep that in mind

I love to sleep

boxers

Music

Watching movies all day

my baby

I can be super nice or extremly bitchy

You'll like me for me, or you wont

I probably don't care what you think about me. Let's be realistic, nothing you say can change me

looooooonnnnngggg ttttiiimmmmeeee

2005-08-19T04:40:52Z

its been a long time since i've updated this thing so lets see my grams been out of the hospital for awhile now and shes doing really good=) Montana is almost 11 months old=( so sad shes growing up wayy to fast!Her biological father is a deadbeat and wants nothing to do with her...he only pays childsupport because the courts are making him he cant even pick up the damn phone and say hey hows montana? hes just a stupid peice of shit! my sisters dog died:( i love you and i miss you chance =( well i guess thats it for now

HaPpPpPyYyYyYy =)

2005-04-29T22:24:53Z

well since the last time i wrote in this i finally got the paternity test back and mike is the father so i called him to ask him when he wanted to see his daughter and he told me that he couldnt even take care of himself and he really didnt wanna be apart of her life so i asked him if he would sign over his rights and he said thats what he wanted to do, which i'm very happy about and i dont hold anything against him. well thats it for now i'll update later

bad news :(

2005-04-24T02:43:46Z

well after fighting cancer for over 3 months my cat finally gave up, RiP. Sebastain McCabe 7-12-92-4-22-05

well on a good note my gram is doing really good i just cant wait till shes out of the hospital so montana can see her iloveyougram<3

now im just waiting on my mom to get home then i'm gonna feed montana and my mom will rock her and hopefully i'll go to bed. my dads having chilli tomorrow for dinner =) another good thing!

i'll update later-

Another update on my gram

2005-04-13T04:26:41Z

Well they took the breathing tube out of my gram today so she can finally talk and they gave her a popcycle lol i never seen someone eat a popcycle so fast then she kept asking for another one like a little kid haha but she didnt even know why she was in the hospital she doesnt even remember having open heart surgey but when we went in to see her she looked really good but everytime she seen us her heart rate would go up so they had to give her medicine for that, but things are finally looking up for my gram i just cant wait till Montana is allowed to see her again because right now kids under 12 arent allowed in and i know my gram would love to see all her greatgrandkids they mean so much to her when i had Montana she didnt have anything at all because i wasnt expecting her for another 2 months and my gram went out and spent over $300 dollars on her but im going to see her tomorrow then me and heather are gonna go up thursday...i cant wait for here her she looks like a totally different person now...well i'll update about her when i find anything else out....

update on my gram

2005-04-12T04:29:45Z

well my gram had to get a quadruple bypass yesterday and the operation went good then after we could go see her she woke up that night and was able to move and answer questions which means she didnt have a stroke during the operation and all her grandkids and greatgrandkids and all her kids were up there the doctor said hes never seen such a big family he asked us how many of us were there and she has 7 kids 19 grandkids and 13 greatgrandkids but today she had a blood clot and they had to open her back up but shes doing fine again if she would just stop moving around, i went to see her today and she was awake and before i left i kissed her and told her i loved her and she still has a breathing tube in and a tube that goes to her stomach that keeps her from getting hungrey in her mouth and i could see her lips moving telling me she loved me...so everybody please pray for my gram she really needs it right now...i just hope everything goes ok tonight because they wanna get her off the respirator by morning

I LoVe YoOoUuU

2005-04-09T21:26:05Z

well since i last wrote in here my cat is still alive =) and my grams in the hospital now =( their supposed to put a stent in and i'm really scared about that but my grams a fighter everyone says she has more lives than a cat she already doesnt have a bladder, she had a hip replacement 6 heartattacks and a stroke and she still gets around...and stacey come yesterday and we went to get the paternity test done but i didnt have to get tested kuz i was already tested with scott so then we went to canoe creek just to hang out then we went to hosses and to some car place then back to my house for awhilewell today i went to see my gram in the hospital..she looked really good then i came home and made a hamburger and watched family feud now im just sitting here writing this but i'll update later..

i lOve YoU-

2005-04-05T00:13:51Z

well this computer is still a piece of shit but my baby is gonna be 6 months old tomorrow =( i feel like i just had her! shes growning up wayyy to fast and my poor cat has cancer and its spreading and my mom wants to get her put to sleep but shes my cat and i dont want to! i'm not ready to say goodbye I love her :( i've had her since i was 5 years old and i'm almost 19! my whole world is gonna come down when i loose her but we went out to eat on friday and there was this old man he looked so sad and lonely i just wnated to go over to his table and hug him =( then we went and saw the ring2 i was sooo scared but i get scared at just about anything. then we went up to canoe creek but now i have to go give Montana a bath...she has a drs. appointment tomorrow....i lloooveee u stacey!!

HAppY 2 YEars TO me

2005-03-10T00:25:24Z

this computer is a big fat peice of shit and the lady that did my moms taxes messed up on it so she wont be getting her income tax for awhile still so i'll have to deal with this piece of shit computer for longer! but on a happier note yesterday was 2 years i've been clean =) which is really cool kuz i remember when i thought a few days was pretty damn good but once i get situated im gonna start going to meetings a lot more but i just updated kuz i have nothing else to do

sOoOo confused

2005-03-04T18:43:14Z

my life sucks so bad now i dont think me and darin are ever gonna be happy together because he wants me to be someone i'm just not and i cant change i have to change on my own so in a way i think i need to let him go so he can find someone who hes meant to be with i need someone whos gonna accept me for me and not try to change everything about me..i mean why would you wanna be with someone when you dont like anything about them? i just dont know anymore i'm so confused

bAaAaDdD DaAaAYyYyY

2005-03-03T01:20:42Z

i was thinking....wouldnt life be perfect if sweatpants were sexy. monday mornings were fun. junk food didnt make you fat. friends didnt cause drama. boys werent confusing. nothing was regrettable and goodbyes only meant until tomorrow

HaPpYBiRtHdAy PaTrIck<3

2005-03-02T01:30:49Z

i had to go to the stupid dentists today eww i hate that place! but so anyway i got home and just watched tv then me and montana just hung out and we took a nap then angel called me and asked me if i wanted to hang out but i didnt wanna take montana out so we just talked on the phone for like ever then her baby was crying to we hung up and i made dinner and gary and his girls came now their at the mall and im sittin here no im gonna talk to my sis and rob

new layout

2005-02-25T19:15:56Z

well i just did a new lay out yesterday and i think its really nice looking. but anyways i didnt feel to good today so i just layed down and when i woke up i felt a lot better now i'm watching as the world turns and at 3 i'm gonna watch guilding light cant wait to see who killed phillip lol me an vicki are hopefully gonna hang out soon kuz we reeallly need to i miss her so much its so nice to have a friend that you can just laugh about the stupid things i love her more than anything shes my wifey for lifey but i dunno i guess i'm gonna go watch tv or whatever i dunno but i'll update later.

nothing new

2005-02-24T20:37:21Z

i honestly think girls are probably the most annoying creation known to the human race..i mean i know i AM one but seriously some are the most immature, silly, squeeling, bitchy, pathetic things i have ever encountered! not saying im not bitchy..im just having a general moan about my own gender...hmm..yeh.... okay now that im done bitching i just found a survey that i took from alexis so here it is

3 Things

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
01. xoxcassandraxoxx
02. I2eiviix
03. ilickpavement

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
01. my lips(sometimes)
02. My eyes
03. My hands

THREE THINGS YOU HATE ABOUT YOURSELF:
01. My ass.....haha.
02. My life........definitly.
03. Ditzyness.

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
01. Irish
02. German
03. Dutch

THREE THINGS YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND:
01. Math
02. Myself
03. People.....sometimes.

THREE THINGS THAT ANNOY YOU:
01. Rude people.
02. People that talk...and talk...and talk...etc.
03. When people keep bringing up the same thing over and over and get pissed when i do it

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
01. loosing the ones i love
02. Dying
03. lint

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
01. contacts
02. clothes
03. socks

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
01. sweats
02. hoodie
03. contacts

THREE THINGS YOU SAY THE MOST:
01. I know
02. Hi
03. I love youuu.

THREE PEOPLE YOU SPEND THE MOST TIME WITH LATELY:
01. Montana<3
02. My mom
03. Alisha

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOUR CLOSE FRIENDS:
01. They always make me laugh.
02. Their always there for me
03. They always want me to do my best.

THREE THINGS YOU WOULD WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP :
01. Honesty
02. love
03. trust.

THREE THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
01. eyes
02. age
03. personality

THREE THINGS YOU CAN'T DO:
01. let things go
02. i dunno
03. be happy

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
01. Talkinon the phone.
02. Watching t.v.
03. having porch talks in the summer<3

THREE THINGS YOU WANT REALLY BAD RIGHT NOW:
01. something to eat
02. to be happy
03. an electric blanket

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
01. stay at home mommy
02. stay at home mommy
03. stay at home mommy

THREE PLACES YOU WOULD GO ON VACATION:
01. hawaii
02. cali
03. flordia

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
01. to know my daughter will be happy and healthy
02. be completely happy with myself
03. Know that I lived a good life.

yurdyindream @ 2005-02-18T12:26:00

2005-02-18T17:33:28Z

Just 4 fun---LONG survey
Created by Beth27 and taken 283 times on bzoink!
HORROR MOVIES
What is your favorite horror movie?	ummm i dunno i love scary movies!
What is your least favorite horror movie?	ummm i dont like movies that have a big bug killing everyone thats not even scary!
Who is your favorite horror movie killer?	Michael Myers
Who is your least favorite horror movie killer?	Jason
What was the very first horror movie you saw?	i dunno probably childs play
TV SHOWS
What is your favorite TV show?	full house
Who is your favorite character on that show?	jesse!!
What is your least favorite TV show?	murphy brown
Why don't you like it?	i dunno i hate it!
Do you like FRIENDS?	yeah<3
MUSIC
What is your favorite band?	i dunno i like a lot of bands
Who is your favorite singer?	again i have a lot
What's your favorite kind of music?	anything but oldies and rock
How many concerts have you been to?	none:(
How old were you when you went to your 1st concert?	^^^
FRIENDS
Who do you consider your best friend?	Heather,Rich,Beth and Vicki<3
Do you have more than 1 best friend?	yes
Who is the friend you've known the longest?	Heather since she was born and i was 2
Who's the friend that lives closest to you?	Heather
Who's the friend that lives farthest from you?	Rich :(
FAMILY
What are your parents' names?	Sharolyn and Bill
Are they married or divorced?	divorced
Do you have any brothers/sisters?	yes
Do you have any pets?	yes 3 dogs and 3 cats
Are your grandparent's still alive?	2 of them
LIFE IN GENERAL
Overall,how has your life been so far?	could have been better
Did you have a good childhood?	it was okay
What year did you graduate from high school?	i should have in 2004
If you could relive one moment from your childhood,what would it be?	all the times with beth,heather,dorrell,dustin and donnie
Are you still close with your childhood best friend?	yeah<3
WORLD ISSUES	what?
What do you think of George Bush?	hes a looser!!!
Who,in your opinion,has been the best president?	regan and clinton
Were you affected in any way by the events of 9-11-01?	not really
Do you think Osama Bin Laden is still alive?	i dunno?
THIS OR THAT?	this
Hot or cold weather?	hot
Cats or dogs?	both<3
Mom or Dad?	im closer to my mommy<3
DVD or VHS?	dvd
Horror movies or comedy?	comedy when i'm alone horror when im with somebody
FRIENDS or SEX & THE CITY?	sex&thecity
Baked Doritos or regular Doritos?	regular
Pets or no pets?	pets
Apartment or house?	house
Hardback books or paperback books?	paperback
Laptop or desktop?	desktop
Sleeping or awake?	both
Writing in a journal or not writing in a journal?	writing
Jeans or sweatpants?	sweatpants
PLAYBOY or PLAYGIRL?	I FKIN HATE IT ALL!!!!!
Nick Carter or Nick Lachey?	Nick Lachey
Aerosmith or 3 Doors Down?	aerosmith
Being online or talking on the phone?	online
Shower or bath?	i usually do both
Black or blue?	blue
Brad Pitt or Ashton Kutcher?	their both ugly
Lemonade or water?	lemonade
Pool or no pool?	pool
YOUR OPINION ON THE FOLLOWING PEOPLE
Michael Jackson	hes awesome!
Jim Carrey	fuuunnny
George Bush	FAAAAAGGGGG!!!
Osama Bin Laden	not very nice
Saddam Hussein	not very nice
Clay Aiken	i think hes gay!
Rueben Stoddard	i love him<3
Kelly Clarkson	no opinion
Scooby Doo (LOL!)	hes so cool!
Freddy Krueger	hes my buddy!
Michael Myers	hes a cool guy!
Jason Voorhees	who?
Martin Luther King JR	hes cool
Bratt Pitt	bratt?
Jennifer Aniston	shes okay i guess
Larry Flynt	who?
WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF....
Your best friend came to you saying she was pregnant?	lol cristen and alisha called me a slut
You had a house fire and could save only 3 things,what would they be?	my animals,pictures and the shirt randy gave me before he died
Your Mom or Dad died?	i dont even wanna think about that!
You were snowed-in for a week?	watch tv all day!
You were mugged on the street?	what could i do?
You found a wallet containing $10,000?	keep it and spend it on montana
You won the lottery?	buy everything i ever wanted
You met your all-time favorite band/singer?	get an autograph
You were accused of a crime you didn't do?	idk?
Your best friend suddenly dumped you w/o explanation?	say fuck you
Someone asked you to do something illegal?	depends what it was?
It was the last day of your life and you could only do 3 things?	first i'd spend it with montana and my family, then i'd do something to make darin feel so bad for hurting me the way he did, then i'd go somewhere i dunno where though lol
GENERAL QUESTIONS
Your name	Cassi
Your age	18
Birthday	7-23-86
Hometown	altoona
Hobbies	i dont have any hobbies in the winter time but in the summer me and beth go to the basketball court although we havent done that in awhile, my favorite hobby is porch talks
Likes	friends,(some)music,porch talks,food and my dogs and cats and my baby<3
Dislikes	other girls besides my friends,
Pet peeves	i have so many of those lol
Fave alcoholic drink	skyy blue even though i havent had any in so long its all good
Fave beer brand	genesis or however u spell it
Fave store to shop at	walmart
Last book you read	a child called it
Your religion	i havent found one yet
Your best friend's name	heather,beth,vicki and rich
Your enemy's name	i have a lot of those(if u take your clothes off for money i fkin hate you!!! and i hope you die!!)
Last 4 digits of your phone #	6054
Your email address	xxxbabiigui2lxx@aol.com
Your AOL SN	angelthug05x05x and xxxbabiigui2lxx
Your AIM SN	^^
Your MSN SN	none
Your YAHOO SN	none
Fave TV Show	full house
Fave animal	i love all animals
Least fave animal	i dunno
Favorite movie	a walk to remember
Least fave movie	ummm i have no idea
Are you glad this is almost over?	yes!
Do you enjoy filling out surveys?
Do you want to add me to your friend's list on this site?
Create a Survey \| Search Surveys \| Go to bzoink!

.................

2005-02-13T03:31:47Z

my damn house is freezing so me and montana are staying at pats and last night they went to bed really early so i was watching dan and brad play everquest then we went downstairs and watched the grudge....i really couldnt understand it...it was sooo confusing but it was also scary like the people in it were really scary looking then after it was over brad said he had to pee then dan kept trying to scare him and he made it out to the kitchen to go upstairs then he comes back in and hes like i dont have to go then i had to go so i almost made it to the steps but i kept thinking about the girl in the movie so i came back and was like im to scared so me dan and brad all went up together then we went back down and watched some movie it was funny but stupid then brad was sleeping so me and dan went upstairs and i was really tired and i was going really slow and i didnt see dan behind me and i stopped in the middle of going up the stairs and he thought i was gonna fall so he grabbed me and i screamed lol then we were watching cartoons for awhile then i came up to the attic and watched tv until i fell asleep.....then today i just hung out did pretty much nothing then i called darin and talked to him for awhile then went to my grams kuz she just got out of the hospital today and now im back here and i'm probably getting ready to go to bed already kuz im so tired so thats it for now

HaAaAaPpPpPPYyYy but still SOoOoO sAd

2005-02-11T00:52:53Z

well my dog did die =( and my grams in the hospital right now and montana cant go see her kuz shes in ICU but my dads gonna watch her for me on sunday so i can go see her. so anyways on 2/8/05 was 23 months since i've drank or did anything which is really cool. ohh yeah and the paternity test came back and scott isnt Montana's dad which i'm really happy about kuz now i dont have to deal with his shit anymore and accussing me of having sex with him i mean come on now when we were together the sex wasnt even that good but anways the guy who is definitely Montanas dad is most likely gonna sign over his rights because me and pat went to domestic relations today and i called him and told him that he'd be getting a paper within the next week or so then i was like do you even wanna be in her life and hes like thats up to you guys then i was like well would you like to be in your daughters life and hes like i really dont know anymore so theres a really good chance he'll be signing over his rights but since i only have one contact in and i really cant see anything i'm gonna go downstairs and check on my baby and watch tv or something

i hope your okay Rox =(

2005-01-31T13:30:09Z

my dog got hit by a care today =( hes at the vet now and their gonna take xrays tomorrow i really hope hes gonna be okay and he just has a broken leg kuz if he broke is pelvis he wont live kuz the dr said he wont have feeling in his back legs and he wont be able to control his bladder and he'll be in pain in the time...so everyone please pray for my poopr puppy Roxbury Hershey<3 i love you baby and i miss you<3<3<3<3

R.I.P Randy<3

2005-01-30T12:45:25Z

well today is 1 year since randy died hopefully he'll be in the paper. i miss him so much =( i want to enter montana in the cutest baby contest but i dont know if its to late or not but i'll check when i go to my dads today so if you see Montana Skye in the paper vote for her!! im so tired right now Montana wont sleep in her crib she screams so i put her in bed with me and she falls asleep so now i hardly get any sleep. then her dad says he wants her today and i told him that i wanted to be there to kuz i didnt trust him alone with her and he calls me a nigger lover and i heard his other daughter in the background so he said that infront of her my daughter cant be raised like that so im gonna try for supervised vitations oh yeah then i call him today and asked him for money kuz she needs formula and i only have 4$ and the formula shes on costs 14 but i can get 3 cans for 20 at a warehouse in williamsburg so i ask scott for money and hes like wheres this warehouse...how much is it..i need childsupport sooo bad right now its not easy raising a baby on your own and the dad think he should be able to see her whenever he wants yet not support her finacially but anyways i've been talking to vicki a lot and it made me realize shes the only person whos always been there for me the person i asked to be the godmother of my baby cant even come see her once in awhile...shes seen her one time and that was in the hospital in the incubator and Montana will be 4 months old feb. 5th but my moms downstairs with montana and i dont know if she'll hear her when she crys kuz shes sleeping so i better go check on her

needed to update

2005-01-23T15:47:03Z

well its been a long time since i've updated but since the last time we got the paternity test on friday and there was an older lady there and she said that montana looked like scott!! what an insult!! then yesterday scott wanted to keep montana all night and i told him i wasnt ready to be away from her and hes like well i wasnt ready either then he just kept calling me names so my mom called him and he told my mom i was an unfit mother and he'd be a better dad than me so i'll let you decide who would raise her better. i'm with my daughter 24/7 shes 4 months old and i've been away from her for 1 night when my mom kept her and i called at least 15 times to check on her im the one who wakes up every 3 hours to feed her and change her and whatever else she needs and i always put my daughter first i was sick the other day like throwing up and everything and i still got up with her and didnt ask for any help. now scott on the other hand i'll just make a list of why hes not a good father

1. hes on medicine(sleeping pills,depression pills and anxiety pills)
2. hes denying her right now
3. he didnt know how to make a bottle
4. he lives in a one bedroom apartment
5. he couldnt stay and see her for a little longer when he dropped me off because we just went to wendys and his food would get cold
6. he thought that since she was on ceral she wouldnt be on the bottle anymore! a 4 month old off the bottle!!!
7. he has a 10 year old daughter and everytime she comes over all he does is watch movies with her he never takes her anywhere or does anything with her
8. he treates his own mother like shit
9. montana is 4 months old and he gave me a total of 100 dollars for her
10. he makes like 9 dollars an hour and said 50 a week was to much for him
11. he'll stick a pillow infront of montanas face so the pacifier wont fall out of her mouth
12. he called about once a week to check on her
13. he sleeps in the same bed as his 10 year old daughter
14. he calles me a nigger lover because i have black friends and i dont want my daughter growing up thinking shes better than someone because of the color of her skin

now tell me whos the better parent!!!

yurdyindream @ 2004-12-03T19:00:00

2004-12-04T00:12:41Z

i had to take montana to her drs app. she had to get 4 shots!! my poor baby!! but she did really good. the dr picked her up and laid her on her stomach on his arm and she was lifted her head up and trying to kick off of him and he was like wow shes really strong! well anyways i came home and just chilled for awhile then alisha and heather came home and we just hung out acted like retards but it was fun then heather and alisha left and im just sittin here with montana...i'll write more later

MY DAY

2004-11-30T20:33:25Z

well didnt i didnt think i was gonna do anything then scott called me and said his mom wanted to see montana so he came and got me and we went to his moms house for awhile then since he really didnt get to hold or see the baby that much we went back to his house and ordered pizza then he took me home and i didnt do anything just watched tv and fell asleep well thats my day

sOmetimes its just not worth it

2004-11-29T19:46:14Z

my life sucks so much anymore and sometimes i just don't know what to do no one understands the way i feel. my friends changed so much.. in a bad way an i wish i could be there for them to help em but they dont even try talkin to me neway. i swear i wish i can turn bac time so bad..... an i keep hearin shit and i feel like .. 4get it. i dont even know where my life is going anymore and i know apart of why i'm feelin like this is because i need to get to a meeting. i also havent seen my brother in a long ass time we only talk on the phone but hes the only person that understands my feelings anyways i'll add more later...heres a survey i found

[[damn.. i be havin all these crazy emotions n feelings.. i wish i can talk bout em but i really cant.. i hav to keep em to muh self:( ]]

Just like a pill

2004-11-29T04:24:48Z

Today was good/bad i woke up real early like 5:30 an stayed up till 10 then i feel back to sleep anyways i went to my dads today. my grams still in terre haute till tomorrow. heather came over for awhile<3 then scott and sarah came and got me we just chilled...watched a movie then took sarah home then scott came in my house for awhile so i could make bottles then he left and im here and thats my day</33

these secret tears still flow

2004-11-28T11:33:36Z

yesterday was just a bad day i havent been to a meeting in like 3 weeks and i'm started to get really pissed off about everything then ontop of that Alisha and Andy come over to clean the house and they started on my room and i was helping andy while alisha was with montana and i found a picture of me and randy and its not like i wasnt over him before he died but we were supposed to help each other stay clean and him dyin over this shit scares me because it could happen to me oh yeah and not to mention im probably not even gonna see darin until like forever and that really sucks but instead of letting my real feelings show i just bitch about everything but thats it for now.